In my journey of helping people facing pain or fertility challenges I have met a lot of people, with similar conditions but who have such different experiences and results. Some people look at the glass half full, focus on what they still have, what they can still do and what they still are. Others look at the glass half empty and decide to focus on what they no longer have, what they no longer can do and what they no longer are.
It is fair to say that everyone feels a particular situation differently, and the suffering everyone feels will always feel worse than everybody else’s. Suffering is like a gas, once it enters a compartment, it doesn’t occupy just a tiny space, it expands to occupy all the space evenly. So suffering, once present, occupies all our body, our mind, our relationships, our work, our daily activities. And suddenly the pain is felt as having increased, as being unbearable.
In my journey, I came across some people who were suffering a lot and would like to get out of that downward spiral, however when I try to break that unresourceful state and give them the tools to feel better, they become defensive of their suffering. It’s like they feel entitled to feeling the pain because of X, Y, Z and not feeling it would mean not valuing X, Y, Z enough. It’s like suffering has become part of their identity, of who they are and if they were to get rid of it, they wouldn’t know themselves anymore, how to behave or live their daily life. So, even though they don’t enjoy where they are, as soon as they start feeling better, the little voice in their heads says:
“I am entitled to my pain so don’t you dare try making me feel good!”.
I know pain and suffering are part of life, and without them we wouldn’t value the good things in life. But the questions I have been thinking about lately are: How much pain and suffering is needed? For how long? When is it enough?
I think pain and suffering need to be time limited. It is psychologically acceptable to feel pain and suffering when we face a new limitation or medical condition, when we lose a loved one, when we go through a break up, etc. Mourning the losses is a natural process… as long as it doesn’t last forever! What I mean is, once the mourning of those losses start affecting our daily life and our ability to move forward, they become pathological, as part of a downward spiral that can be challenging to break free from. Once suffering cesses to have a healing purpose to start narrowing our choices and enjoyment of life, that’s when we need to make the decision of changing our state of mind to a more resourceful one.
I am blessed because I have been helping people with chronic pain and fertility challenges overcome this downward spiral. It’s fulfilling to see when their eyes finally have a clearer view and that fuzzy past is just a memory.
If you feel entitled to your suffering or pain, it’s likely that you are in that fuzzy place. If that’s your case, you might be interested in checking a different place that maybe will feel just right. If this resonates with you, let me know, I’d like to hear your story 🙂